Marriage & Perfectionism

Last Sunday I spent time with one of my good friends and her sister. My bride-to-be friend asked, as she sat down on her sister's floor, "So, what's the best part about being married?" Her sister, married for 10 years, and I, married for eight, looked at each other knowingly ...

Our eyes told each other that we both knew there was no simple way to answer the question, and yet we felt the pressure to find just the right thing to say. Caught between a rock and a hard place, we did what most self-respecting women would do, we settled into the sofa and gabbed.

"That's a hard answer to boil down. One of the things I like most is having a partner to grow with," I started.

"Yeah, and no matter what, if you're committed to each other, you've always got that person on your side," she continued.

We went back and forth with thoughts until we hit on something that resonated with all three of us and welcomed silent contemplation.

"You may think you get together because of your similarities," she said.

"But as you go through marriage, you discover that it's your differences and imperfections that keep you together."

*Enter silent contemplation.*

Satisfied with our answer, my friend went on. "So, how is marriage supposed to work when I'm not perfect and he's not perfect? Obviously the marriage isn't going to be perfect."

"Sounds like marriage is going to be good practice for motherhood!" I laughed. We all laughed.

My friend's sister added, "Yeah, because the first thing I had to let go of as a mom was the notion that I could do it all perfectly."

"I know," my friend said, "that's going to be a hard one for me to let go of."

"Look at it this way," I said. "when two surfaces are perfectly smooth, there is no friction between them, nothing to hold them together. When two surfaces are imperfect, friction can hold them together."

"Trust that you picked the right guy -- imperfections and all."